There is no life in this body.

I remember this time in the 90's, when I was traveling through Europe on business. I was using a dodgy British accent, trying to blend in, but even I'll admit it fooled no one. One particular rainy night, when I was almost asleep, three women silently entered my room. I was startled, but it seemed as if they appeared out of nowhere. Let's just say, that's when shit got real. And just as things were really heating up, the old man of the house barged in the room and ruined everything.

Oh, wait. That wasn't me. That was f--king Keanu Reeves.

My wife was fairly alert on Friday night when we sat down to watch something. I told her that I wanted to watch a horror flick to keep the theme going, she wanted to watch anything but. I thought by putting on Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula, I was somehow meeting her in the middle. Turns out, not so much.

Dracula is arguably the most well-known film adaptation of author Bram Stoker's 18th-century novel. Vampires had been around for a few decades when Dracula was published, but this novel was the genesis of the Dracula character as we know him today. I'm not the biggest fan of Drac (or vampires in general), but I certainly respect the creation of such a legendary character.

What I didn't appreciate, however, was this film. Released in 1992, Dracula seemed years older than that and felt incredibly dated (and that's odd, considering it's a period movie...tee hee). It was beautiful at times, and featured an epic performance from the frighteningly intense Gary Oldman, but by the end I was hoping someone would drive a stake through my heart. Or at least, that a giant wolf creature would have its way with me. One of those.