As hard as it is opening real presents, it turns out opening fake ones can be even more difficult. See, the fine people at the
Cinematic Katzenjammer have put together a kickass blogathon known as
The CK's Not So Secret Santa Review Swap. Shunning my life of solitude and bridge-dwelling, I decided to participate this year and swap a flick with some (currently) anonymous blogger. While I brought the cringe-worthy mindf--k
Cat People remake [
review] to the party, I left with a film much more straightforward and less ridiculous. The only problem?
I couldn't watch it.
 |
| Ned Lynch: The world's tallest pirate. |
Seeing 1976's
Swashbuckler for the first time almost forty years after its release was a trip. Having never really been a fan of
pirate epics, I'm not quite sure what to say. Basically, it's like talking to someone who is completely shitfaced, while being completely sober yourself. Even though it's kind of funny and interesting, eventually you start to think
get me the f--k outta here.
But like talking to that drunk bastard, there's a certain amount of charm in the whole experience, once you get beyond how awkward it all is. Seeing the (basically shirtless) duo of Robert Shaw and James Earl Jones talk shit and kick ass is a good time, no matter what. Shaw, who appears half-cocked the whole time, is impossibly charismatic as the somewhat long-in-the-tooth Captain Ned Lynch. Both he and his character seem like they could give a f--k. And as for James Earl Jones, I was pretty stoked to actually
see him do things, as opposed to simply marveling at that legendary voice. He rules as Nick, Ned's forever loyal wingman.
