Wednesday, December 24, 2014

I don't know what it is, but it's not bird.

They’re everywhere. In fact, their numbers seem to be steadily climbing.

As a kid, it was incredibly difficult to avoid them. In fact, I was the poor bastard that was usually trotted out as a last resort. One of those sacrificial lambs encouraged (that should read forced) to just have some fun and give them a chance.

You’d think that I would have learned my lesson by the time I reached adulthood. You’d think I’d never again willingly spend another moment, not even a second, with another loud-mouthed, ignorant jerk.

You’d think.

I'm not going to lie. I love that shirt.
Tammy was actually worse than I expected. And I expected bad.  I was thinking charmingly bad, but this is just bad bad. Melissa McCarthy, for me, is on the clock. Time is running out on her once-amusing shtick.

Presented as a comedy, Tammy might actually be more at home being labeled a drama (if not an outright horror film). Tammy, after getting fired from a fast-food joint, comes home to find her husband is having an affair with a neighbor. She storms out, and along with her grandmother (an intermittently affable Susan Surandon), hits the road in an effort to deal with her crumbling personal life. Hijinks ensue, curse words are uttered, but damned if I didn’t care about any of it.

While I appreciate that this flick was a joint effort between McCarthy and her husband, first-time director Ben Falcone, that fun fact doesn’t trump how overwhlmingly abysmal this film is. I laughed a few times, and shockingly – my wife watched the whole thing – but it’s still such an uneven mess. Maybe it could have worked as an unrelentingly crude comedy (like The Heat, for example), or perhaps as a more straightforward drama with occasional funny bits (there are some valid themes worth exploring), but the final product is an unholy mix of terrible jokes and lame attempts at saying something. When the heavy moments come, they feel out of place and ridiculous.

Speaking of out of place and ridiculous, here are the Yays and Boos. After the movie they asked me if they're really were any people named Tammy out there. I was honest. I said no. They’re all dead.

She just saw the box office numbers.
  • Confession: I have killed an animal with my car (these weird flightless birds in Hawai'i exist solely to dart in front of your vehicle). What I said? Noooo! What I should have said? Maybe he just got the wind knocked out of him?
  • There was a pretty sweet Allman Brothers discussion and sing-a-long.
  • I guess any Gary Cole is better than no Gary Cole, right?
  • Speaking of Grown Men I Love Unconditionally...Mark Duplass is in this! And Nat Faxon, too. Love these guys...even,
  • Clearly they knew it was the best scene in the film, but despite the preview ruining it, I still really liked when she robs that chicken joint. Good times.
  • Kathy Bates always adds a level of class to just about anything, doesn't she? If only she would have a sledgehammer at Tammy's ankle.
  • And finally, even though I wasn't a fan of this one, I will still put my hands together for Melissa McCarthy. Currently she's riding a one-note high (or low), but I believe in this lady's talents. I do.
  • I love dumb jokes. I love bad movies. Somehow...I hated this.
  • I know it's part of the joke...but damn, dude: Tammy looks awful.
  • And seems to be really f--king stupid at times....
  • ...but was married and had a really nice house? Hmm.
  • Susan Surandon. Not her, not her performance....but her face. For years I've thought she looked too old to be playing whatever part she was playing. But here? She looks young. Waaaaaaaay too young. What the shit, Louise?
  • The dramatic turns. The half-baked we used to be close, Grandma! was bad enough, but the whole alcoholism was even worse. I think I need a drink.
  • Toni Collette must have lost a bet. Or her mind.
  • Dan Aykroyd. Check that. Not enough Dan Aykroyd.
  • And wife, Mrs. Two Dollar Cinema. She sleeps through just about everything. Everything. But a shitty movie about awful people? Wide awake. Didn't even waver for a second.

Well, it's almost that time, so hopefully, unlike Tammy (and just about everyone in this film) you've been good this year. As far as I can tell, not only is does being a rotten a-hole cement your place on the naughty list, but so does associating with them, too.

I'd say I learned that lesson as a kid, but clearly I didn't.
And if you're still reading this? Well...


  1. Wow ... this must be really awful. And Susan Sarandon was in this atrocity? It sounds like a waste of talent, not to mention money and energy. I have never been a huge fan of Melissa McCarthy. I thought she was O.K. in Bridesmaids, but not terrific enough to rest on her laurels and make a string of mediocre movies, if you know what I mean.

    1. Good point. I think she's gone waaaaay too far based on Bridesmaids alone (no one else really BLEW UP after that one like she did). Though, I guess I'll defend her a little bit, only because I thought that she was pretty funny in The Heat. Oh, and her five minutes in This is 40 almost killed me.

      That said, this one really is a steaming pile of awful. Yeesh.

  2. Not funny. Like, at all. I felt bad for just about every involved. Good review M.

    1. Yep. I'm with you.

      I was a little more forgiving being that outside of the 90 minutes, I only invested a buck and a half into this one. Had I seen it theatrically, I likely would have wanted blood from someone involved.


  3. BAHAHAHA! I didn't really get McCarthy's schick, not even in Bridesmaids, where I felt she was upstaged by everyone else. I won't be seeing this (and I worship Susan Sarandon).

    1. This comment is endlessly fascinating. You say she was the worst part of Bridesmaids...which is awesome. Then you say you worship Surandon (words I've never heard strung together by another person ever)...which is even awesome-er.

      Fisti. Going against the grain.

  4. Your review is 1000x more entertaining than this film. I can't stand McCarthy. I feel a little bad for saying that, like I should probably like her, but she's incredibly overrated. Especially in Bridesmaids. I can't believe she got an Oscar nomination for essentially playing Zack Galifinakis' character in The Hangover.

    1. Ouch. But....I agree with you for the most part. Not sure how she landed a nom, but I think everyone got caught up in the hype. This movie may officially derail that gravy train. With or without biscuit wheels.

  5. I'd rather go and watch The Heat again, and file this crap under Bridesmaids and Identity Thief. Melissa McCarthy's humor is all dried up, oh and Susan Sarandon shouldn't be allowed near a camera ever again, period.

    1. I liked The Heat a lot actually, but identity Thief was a real shit show. Bridesmaids I've only seen once, but I do recall McCarthy being pretty funny.

      Your Surandon comment made me laugh out loud. So harsh, Mike. Awesome, too.

  6. To be honest. I didnt give this film a second look. Getting fed up with this sort of 'comedy'. McCarthy is a good actress though, shes wasted on this. Shes great in St Vincent.

    1. Good for you. Seriously. I wanted to dismiss it, too, but my wife loves McCarthy and I thought it would be good for some cheap laughs. My bad.

      I'm with you that she's a very capable performer though. She's just cashing checks with this shit. I hope to catch St. Vincent asap.

  7. Oh man, it does look terrible. I'm a big fan of Melissa, Susan and Kathy but this looks like something that went all sorts of wrong.

    1. On a good day, that's a solid trio of ladies that you've just mentioned. But, unfortunately, only Bates comes out of this one unscathed. Though...that's kind of her specialty, isn't it?