Welcome to rock bottom.

I was really sick last week, perhaps deliriously so. I had just left the diagnostic lab where I had given five, yes five, vials of blood and proceeded to hustle through the local grocery store to get something to eat, as it had been at least 24 hours since my last bite. So, it was rather weakly that I approached the Redbox machine and made my pick. Apparently, giving blood makes you want to see blood. And feeling like ass, actually makes you want to see tits. Who knew?

Clearly, I'm reaching, as the true inspiration of my willing rental of Piranha 3DD was not the result of my mystery illness, but more of a logistical matter. At a doable (ahem) 83 minutes, I thought I could finish it before I passed out. And while that wasn't the case, I was also going for simple. No plot twists, no character development, nothing that involved even the slightest twinge of thought. And in that regard, is the only way, that this film could ever be considered a success. Because unless you're an eleven year old boy who hasn't ever been on the internet, this flick is a giant, floating turd. Hell, even that might be more entertaining to look at, depending on it's shape and size.

You know, I actually saw the first one (the 2010 remake) theatrically and had a decent enough time. I mean, seeing a severed schvantz floating around in its 3D glory certainly has its charms, right? Okay, no - but still. It was incredibly stupid, but so comically violent and over-the-top it deserved whatever slight praise it was given. And, it had Elisabeth Shue. So, you can't hate it. Oh, and there was that girl that got her hair caught in the propellar, too. Remember her? Of course you do.