I'm so embarassed. I'm not a real person yet.

I will die knowing, Hell, screaming to anyone within earshot that middle school is hands-down the worst stretch of a given person's life. Basically, it's that time when you think you know everything, but you're in fact, a ignorant f--king moron.

But coming in second to eleven, twelve and thirteen, might just be that time directly after college. That segment of life where you realize (or don't realize), that quite clearly, what you used to think was the real world was anything but. You've finished high school, conquered college. You have officially arrived.

At absolutely nowhere.

If something perfectly encapsulates the zeitgeist of a time and place that you f--king loathe...can it be considered a success, a fun time had by all? Because that was my dilemma during each and every black-and-white frame of Frances Ha. Yeah, this is well-made, looks lovely and features Kylo Ren likely on holiday from Jedi Summer Camp...but, uh, f--k this shit, you know? All of it.

I barely made it out of my early twenties as it was, and now I gotta watch a bunch of rich assholes play grabass in Central Park? F--k you, and the unicycle you rode in on.

The story, if you can call it that, is shockingly simple. Frances (Greta Gerwig) is a bit of an odd bird, and after her heterosexual life partner Silent Bob Sophie more or less dumps her to move on with her own life, France's basically falls apart. No, no...not to the point where she's sucking off homeless dudes for busfare or anything, but the poor girl is beyond lost without her BFF. So what's a confused, apartment-less, twenty-something in NYC to do? Not much, apparently. 

The rest of the film follows Frances from house-to-house, address to address as she searches for the rest of her life. For some of you, it may be as relaxing and relatable as running through the park on a warm summer day in the city, but for me, I was clamoring for a lawn I could tell those damn kids to get off of. Outside of Gerwig's relentless positivity, there wasn't much at all I enjoyed in this 95-minute epic.