Friday, February 5, 2021

I finished last, Hermione.

I don't know where this is headed, but my daughter, Violet, is a lot like me. A lot a lot.

In addition to being annoying and overbearing, obviously, she's smart, silly, and when she's interested in something, it becomes something just short of an all-encompassing obsession.

A couple of months ago, she had to catch 'em all, and all we would/could talk about is Pikachu, Eevee, Scorbunny and the like. But now, thankfully, she's moved on the Wizarding World of one Harold J. Potter. Once she got wind of all things Hogwarts, it was over. She politely demanded we watch all the movies immediately, and I said we could, but only if she read the books first. Well, at least the first two (I cut her some slack, she's seven).

And she did. Immediately.

Look at Ron's luxurious mane...

After revisiting the first three Harry Potter flicks with Violet, this was, perhaps shocking to you dear reader, my first time seeing Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I was a little late to reading all the books, but once I started, I read them consecutively. This level of dedication didn't translate to the films, apparently. 

Oddly enough, and I know I'm in the vast minority, but Goblet was my favorite book. How it was the only movie adaptation I missed is beyond me. I guess I was super-busy in '05...

Unless I'm reading the room incorrectly, isn't this the flick that most people consider the worst in the franchise? Maybe you hardcore types can point out the inconsistencies or whatever, but coming back to it a decade and a half later was an absolute blast. Especially when you take into account that I had my young daughter along for the ride. And, AND, I had no idea that Team Edward was in this. Holy moly, I didn't expecto that patronum.


Screw you, guys. Anyhow, not that anyone cares anymore, but is there anything cooler than the Tri-Wizard tournament? No, no there is not. In my head it was rad enough, but actually getting to see it play out with the best effects that 2005 could muster was a seriously good time. Honestly, it's hard to really evaluate any of this, as the Nostalgia Machine was cranked to eleven, leaving me impossibly stoked to see something 'new' from the old gang. And having Violet there squealing along with me? Can't beat it. It's impossible.

Forlorn Ron Weasley, might just be my favorite version. 
(and that new detail about Grint never having seen all the films is *chef's kiss*)

What you can beat, always, are the Yays and Boos. Their wands have been broken since they were first years, so please excuse all the slugs they're vomiting. (still one of the greatest gags ever)

God, do I miss being a (high-school) dork.
  • My goodness, all the boys have so much hair. Lucky jerks.
  • Nothing like revisiting the Quidditch...pitch? I always thought the game was a bit ridiculous, but in a good way. My daughter? As a general fan of chaos and destruction, this is 900% her jam.
  • Cho Chang is that YOU? (it's creepy now, but back then it was...fine it was still creepy) Rowr.
  • Goodness, speaking of inappropriate lusting, what was up with that all-girls school? Uh, those were WOMEN, right? Yowzers. Don't even get me started on Fleur in the water event...*gasps for French air*.
  • Anyhow, moving on, I don't think I've ever not loved Brendan Gleeson in anything, and it's safe to say, the streak continues. Mad-Eye is a bit much, but Gleeson makes him likeable nonetheless.
  • Fred and George are routinely awesome, and here they seem to be at peak awesomeness. Whether it was at the Ball, or all their dealings with the Goblet, these two giant gingers almost dethroned Ron as my favorite Weasley. Not really, but still.
  • Aw, Hermione's pre-game hug. Awww.
  • Can I draw a dragon, too? Please?
  • Speaking of, that first battle was the right kind of ridiculous. Not sure there should be spectators in attendance, but my word, that whole scene was nuts.
  • It's kind of bittersweet, but I almost forgot how much I loved Rickman as Snape. Just an absolute legend, you know?
  • As I mentioned, my daughter is seven. All the romantic stuff at the Yule Ball? She was wincing the whole time. So of course, like a jerk, I press her. Me: If you had to go to the Ball, who would you ask? Violet (clearly offended): Me? I'd go with Marilyn (our German shepherd).
  • Okay, Ron, you're obviously the man, but that tuxedo? So clutch.
  • And on that note, Neville is pretty much the low-key MVP of this whole affair. Good to see that kid goofy little kid grew up into quite the stud. I can totally relate, as I also grew up. Mostly.
  • Violet: Harry's like a mermaid now! I was thinking Sea Monkey, but that works, too.
  • And finally, as I've mentioned ... repeatedly... seeing this film fresh all these years later was so much fun. I'm not sure I can recommend skipping out on some key part of a film/book series and saving it for fifteen years. But if you can swing it, I say go for it. Maybe hold off on Fast and the Furious 15 or something...
Hey, you! Get your damn hands off her.
  • Uh, that opening ritual was a little...weird, right? Wasn't exactly sure what we were getting into there. That kind of stuff I usually save for my incognito browser...
  • So, at whatever that festival was, all the tents are getting torched, right? Scary stuff. Or so I thought until I look over at Violet and she's laughing hysterically. Now that's frightening.
  • "Bloody Hell," says Ron. NINE THOUSAND TIMES.
  • Was it me, or did Rita Skeeter wanna jump Harry's bones? Like, aggressively and perhaps, publicly? 
  • Speaking of, the whole Moaning Myrtle scene was a bit much. Whatever that bath/pool thing was, I'd check the water to not-water ratio asap. The pH is probably way off.
  • It's probably a Yay when you think about it, but man does Malfoy really take the idea of being a proper douche to the next level. His sneer makes his face so...punchable, it's pretty impressive.
  • Wow, the Yule Ball really seemed to be much more trouble than it was worth, you know? Damn wizard kids can't even have a good time, with all the impending death and chaos (not to mention all these kids and their raging midi-chlorians). It's kind of like sending the kids back to school in the middle of a pandemic. I mean, who would even? (got my first postive student seven days in)
  • I was so disappointed in Viktor Krum. First, I'm not sure why they cast a 27 year-old man in the role. And second? Hermione says yes to this fraud? Unacceptable.
  • I wrote down that Neville was dancing around with his magical boner and even if I don't remember what that means, I'm going to assume it qualifies as something to be mocked.
  • Voldemort's crew was quite the gang of a-holes, was it not? It had this weird Trump inner-circle vibe and I was not having it.
  • And finally, holy crap was I not ready for the fate of Cedric. In addition to totally forgetting his fate, that scene was incredibly HEAVY. Violet, luckily(?) didn't exactly get it at first, but I'm pretty sure I can still hear Cedric's father's guttural shrieks in my sleep. Oh, and my wife walked in at this exact moment (of course) and looked at me like WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO OUR DAUGHTER?? (just wait til she finally watches Batman v. Superman)
Despite being (potentially/likely) traumatized, Violet was all about immediately launching into Order of the Phoenix. Being an intermittently responsible parent, I had to put the kibosh on that one. Not only was that my least favorite book in the series (wasn't it 9,000 pages long, too?), I remember Harry being a top-shelf prick, too. Might as well spare her Harry's angst-iness as long as I can, right?

But just to check, I asked her a simple question. Vi, how do you feel about Harry after this one?

Harry? He stinks. I like Ron waaaay better.

*lone tear slides down Dad's face*

Just like her father.


  1. I really liked Goblet of Fire as a book to. I think I re-read that and Order of the Phoenix the most. Hermione's pink Yule Ball dress still irrationally pisses me off though. How hard is it to find a blue dress? Why does Hermione always wear pink? Why is Emma Watson so awful? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

    That graveyard scene was dope though.

    1. I doubt I'll ever read them again (I read my son the first two when he was younger...but that'll probably suffice), but will likely die thinking/knowing that Goblet was my favorite.

      HAhahahaha at your pink dress ire. That's hysterical! I'm assuming she didn't have all that many options, perhaps??? And you hold your tongue about dear Ms. Watson! She's a national TREASURE. HAhahaha.

      Well, at least we can agree on the graveyard scene, because, indeed it was the dopest.

      Hahaha...poor Emma Watson

  2. I want to be Violet's best friend - she is absolutely awesome in every way!
    I can't remember which HP movie I liked the least, I don't think it was this one though, despite the fact I'm still crying over Cedric.
    It's been too long since I watched these movies though, the next time I feel a Twilight marathon coming on I'll make myself switch to these instead!

    1. Hahaha, thanks Allie. You two should totally hang out. Please. (our kids haven't been away from us in a YEAR)

      I might be with you in not remembering, but it's definitely not this one either. Though poor Cedric's death was brutal. My goodness.

      Oh boy, Twilight? I still think I've only seen the first part of the last movie...if that even makes sense. Maybe I'll join you on that ill-fated marathon?