Friday, November 25, 2011

What went so wrong in your life that you ended up educating children?

I think police officers must get tired of seeing their profession dramatized over and over. Maybe lawyers, too. But as a teacher, I feel that the list of films that highlight the profession isn't incredibly long. In fact, our main character, Elizabeth Halsey (Cameron Diaz) probably shows all of them to her 7th graders. Stand and Deliver, School Ties, Dangerous Minds - hell, she even shows Scream. She defends herself, saying "In a lot of ways, I think that movies are the new books."  That's not true - at all, but it's probably closer than any of us would ever care to admit. So, am I a Bad Teacher? Well, depends who you ask...

Despite (still) being pretty hot, Diaz wouldn't get away with 90% of the shit she pulls in this movie if she were a real teacher. I know, I know, it's a movie! But the same way I'm sure that cops roll their eyes repeatedly watching something like Bad Boys, I struggled to fully buy in at times. Eventually, I said screw it and went along for the ride. And yes, I've had a thing for Cameron from the minute she appeared onscreen in The Mask (frickin' 17 years ago? Goodness).

Ranking awesomeness? I'm going Segel, Timberlake then Diaz.
Okay, so you don't give a damn about any of that do you? Fine. You have two questions, don't you? Here are the answers: Yes and gigantic. Your questions were Is this movie funny and How big are the breasts that I'm going to see while watching it, right? Oh, they were about something else? Well, I'm sure the answers still apply. 

Best Cameron Diaz character? Tie: Mary or Natalie Cook.
Pretty much from the first minute we see her, Diaz is the hugest bitch alive. She sneers at everyone and can't go two sentences without cursing or being rotten. It's funny, but at times you think that she isn't attractive enough to overcome her shitty attitude. She does, of course, and any inkling you get during this one will inevitably come true - it's that predictable. Though, I really didn't see the dry-humping scene, um, coming. Awesome.

Still, the best scenes for me came from seeing parts of my professional self on screen. For example, there's a scene when she's grading papers that was taken directly from everyday of my life. True, I've never written are you f--king kidding me? on a student's test, even though it may have crossed my mind once or twice. Or nineteen thousand times.
If I haven't convinced you to check this one out by all this pointless rambling, check it out for any of the following reasons:
  • TV Stars! Cam from Modern Family and Ms. Beiste from Glee show up. Classy.
  • The use of the word, Fagatron. Also classy.
  • The scene in the men's room! "Holy f---, I thought she was never going to leave.
For the record: I watched the unrated blu-ray, so the naughty bits may have been a bit more naughty then if you caught this theatrically. Just sayin'...
Hope your Thanksgiving went well. Don't leave your house tomorrow. Not worth it. At all.

1 comment:

  1. Movies are the new books. 7th grade com arts motto.