Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Never know how your day is gonna turn out.

In Home Alone, it was used to aid in self-defense.
In Spider-Man, it gave Peter Parker his powers.
And in The Return of the King, it's yet another obstacle keeping Frodo from tossing the ring.

Nine times out of ten, I fully understand the role a spider plays in a given movie. But this? Well, this is that tenth time.

I don't even know what to truly make of Enemy, other then I loved every single minute of it. As routinely puzzling as it is, it's arguably the most consistently intriguing movie I've ever seen. In fact, it's so intense, my PS4 randomly ejected it halfway through and refused to accept it until almost twenty-four hours later. Maybe it was looking out for my fragile little mind, or maybe it's just really scared of spiders.

Jake Gyllenhaal plays Adam Bell, a nice-enough history teacher, not exactly living the dream. He has a decent job, a fairly hot girlfriend (whom he routinely bangs), but not much else. One day, after a co-worker rather awkwardly recommends it, Adam watches a movie and is floored by what he sees. Playing Bellhop #3 is a man who looks exactly like him. Intrigued and moderately bewildered (he's a pretty level-headed dude, well, for the most part), Adam decides to search this man out.

And that's all I'm going to tell you. See the f--king movie. Then you can read more. Otherwise, don't click that shit below. Or I'll dress up like you, head to your house and go have sex with your girlfriend. Unless, you're a chick. Then, well...I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do.

In my defense of not understanding what the Hell happened in this movie, let me say that I had to watch it in three different sittings. The only reason I mention this, is I think something from the beginning directly stems from something at the end, but the gap was too wide for me to actually remember whether or not this is true. In fact, this theory isn't even mine, honestly. It's my sister's, or at least it was one of the things she came up with about 95 minutes I demanded that she end our phone call and watch Enemy IMMEDIATELY. (and being that she's the only member of my family I would say this to, of course that's just what she did)

Again, if you haven't seen it, please do. And soon. The Yays and Boos will be here when you get back. Actually, the Boos won't, as there was nothing about this movie I didn't like, just tons of shit I didn't get.


  • Jake Gyllenhaal. He's generally the man, but this might be my favorite role of his. Ever.
  • The score. Holy shit is it intense.
  • At times, I'm pretty sure this could pass as a silent film. We get some long stretches of silent intensity.
  • I could go for something cheerful.
  • So, um, their ladies are kind of similar looking, right?
  • There is a five-plus minute stalk sequence that is utterly fantastic.
  • When Adam finally Anthony, Anthony's plan is f--king brilliant. If I ever meet a guy who looks exactly like me (poor bastard), this is the ultimatum I'm giving him, too.
  • What happened with the car. I think I said Oh, f--k aloud, maybe....seventeen times in a row.
  • I loved how they revealed that Anthony's wife was pregnant. It made the seconds-earlier conversation 900% more important. Brilliant!
  • And finally, the fact that this movie exists. I watch a lot of bullshit, and this film had me smiling like a complete f--king idiot for at least the next two days after I finished it.
Wait, whaaaaaat?
  • Why's Adam such a dick in the sack?
  • What the f--k was that 'lady' on the ceiling?
  • You guys are going to meet in a hotel room? Huh?
  • Mom. What the f--k lady? First, you ramble about blueberries, which bends my brain over a table, but then, then, you say that Adam should stop being a third-rate actor? I think my brain just fell out of my ass.
  • The ring mark was understandable, and the accompanying reaction, but what about the other end of things? How's school? HOW'S SCHOOL!?! You can't just say shit like that, regardless of how hot and pregnant you are.
  • And finally, the ending. I'm sure you smart people went, Oh, I see. But me? I just about went door-to-door in my neighborhood, asking people to punch me in the nuts. Because that would have made more sense to me at the time.

If you're reading this last line, and you're not a not-following-directions a-hole, then all I have left for you is one word:



  1. YES!!!!!!!!!

    I love that people are loving this. Such a tremendous film that is so different than anything I've seen before. It's just incredible, and the meaning is so subjective. Excellent review!

    1. To what you said...

      Yes, totally, and right?

      It's just a shame that more people don't see something like this. The debate and discussion could be fascinating!

  2. Awesome review! You're right about this passing for a silent movie, it definitely could.

    That ending. I had to think about it for 15-20 minutes before I made a theory that I was okay with, and to be honest I'm still probably wrong.

    1. Thanks! I'm still dreaming about that final shot, and it's been almost a week. And when I saw you post your review, I read the first two lines and knew we were going to be on the same page.

      And yes, THAT ENDING. My wife walked in about two minutes before that, saw what she saw, and looked at me like, The f--k?

  3. This is my favorite movie this year for sure! It's so great. Even though it's incredibly bewildering. Lindsay & I saw this together and we had so many theories and aspects to discuss afterwards. I love movies like that. I'm still not settled with the ending except that it was the perfect mindfuck way to end this movie.

    1. It's on my short list, that's for sure.

      I couldn't agree with you more on the fact that even though it's bewildering, it's also enchanting, too. Like, usually an ending like that would make me want to thrown my hands up and punch the screen, but it made me even happier about all the shit I didn't get throughout the film!

      My mind, apparently, is a cheap slut. It put out for 1.20 at Redbox. And would do it again in heartbeat.

  4. So glad you liked it! I read so much about the movie, I wrote so much about it, and I'm still not sure if I completely got it.

    It was so intriguing and Gyllenhaal was fantastic and it's shocking as even though I always like him this director's previous movie, Prisoners, was like boring unintentional comedy for me

    1. Immediately after watching it, I headed to your blog and Alex's, but I couldn't find either post! Am I idiot, or is your index hit-or-miss? Either way, don't answer that.

      I dig that you hated Prisoners, while it seems like a lot of people 'round these parts really liked it. I gotta check it out...but it's soooooooooooo long. Damn, Prisoners. What the shit?

    2. The link to the review is on sidebar, as for the index I update it once every few months, so it's not up to date ^^ Here it is - :)

      It's actually kinda hilarious, as long and boring as it is - it's like 2,5h of people really wanting that Oscar and doing whatever they can to be nominated, while the script is like something that was written on 10 pages and then shredded and shat on.

    3. I read it. You're awesome.

      Hmm..Prisoners still intrigues me, despite a script covered with dookie.

  5. Funny that your PS4 rejected this mind-bendy movie. :-) Of course it's a vast improvement over what Antichrist did to your television set. That was brutal! I'll check to see whether I've added Enemy to my list yet.

    1. Ha. I think it's a sign that the machines are slowly taking over. My TV, rightfully, blew the Hell up with Antichrist. But the PS4? It just delayed it a few hours. They really are looking out for me. Now if my cable box could just make E! inaccessible, I'd be all set.

      You have to see this one! Have. To.

  6. This only opens at my place in a few more weeks. I'm going to take your advice and see the movie first before reading on. I'm intrigued... heck, even the poster looks damn cool!

    1. You gotta see it, man. It will destroy you.

      In the best way possible!