Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Something cool!

Last Tuesday, just before the movie started, I got to see the trailer for Dumb and Dumber To for the first time (I don't watch trailers online...ever). It was kind of jarring at first, seeing Lloyd and Harry again twenty years later (you don't even know what kind of kick in the balls that is), but my initial thought was I have to see this. Immediately. But right after Lloyd blew the dust off his hand, I leaned over to my friend and said, mildly irritated, it's the same f--king movie! 

But since I loved the first one so much, my question is, who gives a shit if it's the same old thing? It's those two guys that I love, doing the shit that I love, again.  As far as I'm concerned, why not? 

For 22 Jump Street, I didn't wait decades to see the first movie rehashed, Hell, I'm not even sure I waited a month. So, if anyone should be pissed and hate this movie, it's me, as the original gags and characters were entirely fresh in my mind as I sat down for the sequel. But like a wise man once said (soon to be twice said), when it comes to this movie, I like it a lot.

Maybe it was the lukewarm responses from other (trusted) bloggers that lowered my expectations, or maybe it was the fact that with no one else in the theater, Grunden and I could laugh like a-holes, but I loved 22 Jump Street. And just like the first time, for me, it was all about Channing Tatum and Ice Cube, as almost everything they said (or did) killed me. That's not a knock on Hill, as he's hysterical as always, it's just that Tatum and Cube get to let loose even more, and each guy really delivers.

The plot, as likely everyone involved with this movie (both on and off screen) would tell you, is completely secondary, as it's the same f--king this as the first time. Instead of infiltrating a high school to break up a drug ring, it's a college. And instead of Hill's performance as Peter Pan, it's Tatum playing football. But outside of those colossal differences, and a bigger budget, this whole endeavor is just another excuse to hang with Schmidt and Jenko again. Oh, and Captain Dickson. I love that motherf--ker.
If you really liked the first one, I would obviously recommend catching this one when you can. But if you really hated 21 Jump Street [review], please, stay the f--k away from this one, as it would likely send you into a throat-punching fury. It's safe to say that this will be last of these films, which seems like a great place to end it, but I'm still pulling for 29 Jump Street: Sunday School.

Speaking of a pair that could use more schooling on any day of the week, even the one when Chik-fil-A isn't open, let's check in with the masters of rehash, the Yays and Boos. I was going to cut and paste the same ones from the 21 review and just cross my fingers...but I respect you too much for that. Okay, not really, but still...

  • Nice summation of the first one, yes?
  • Absolute silence while I fall into character.
  • Deputy Chief Hardy. How does Nick Offerman almost steal a whole movie in two minutes? I know. It's the 'stache.
  • If there's a Jesus cooler than Korean Jesus, I guess it would have to be Vietnamese Jesus, you racist motherf--ker.
  • Those twins across the hall were pretty awesome. Jinx!
  • Good to see Riggle back. And Franco, too. And Oswalt and J. Bejamin...for the first time, while we're at it.
  • F--king puka shells! Puuuuuuuuuuuuka shells. There was this place in Hawai'i where you'd get a free puka shell necklace every single time you walked in the door, and it was just awesome/terrible. Which is essentially describes these two puka bros to the letter.
  • Dude. Amber Stevens is smoking hot.
  • Ah, the walks of shame. That joke actually kept getting funnier.
  • I forget the line exactly, but something about looking like a thirty year-old eighth grader cracked me up. Oh, and something about a bag of dicks, too.
  • Ice Cube's face at brunch is still funny. As is how he handled getting a plate of food there, as well.
  • Blanche never did heroin.
  • That college item montage almost stopped my heart. Hill holds up this cooking device that his mom got him and I almost shit my pants. It wasn't the same one, but it was pretty f--king close. My mom sent me to college with this thing you cracked an egg into, shook it vigorously, placed it in the microwave and then enjoyed scrambled eggs! *snap* Like that! that was so incredibly worthless, I cherished it like a human baby. Well, until I lost it over Christmas break.
  • Those fake sequel scenes (and posters) we're incredible. Arguably the best ending to a movie in the history of cinema. Arguably.
  • And finally, how gloriously self-aware this entire production is. It teeters on going too far, but constantly reminding us that sequels are the worst, it makes everything that much better. I'm not even sure if that's possible, but I'm going to just say f--k it and go with it.
  • I swear in almost every movie he's in, Hill scores a super hot chick
  • Queen Latifah is in this movie. One time, about 25 years ago, I walked into a Pizza Hut and the guy making the pizza was scratching his fully exposed asscrack. And ever since then, I can't totally enjoy any Pizza Hut on the planet. I always flashback to that horrible, horrible moment. Queen Latifah is that guy's asscrack. And Movies that she subsequently appears in? They're Pizza Hut.
  • Is it me, or was the whole bro-mance thing beaten to death two-hundred million times in this one. We get it, guys. You love each other. Move the f--k on.
  • She had some funny lines, but that annoying roommate girl made me want to cut a bitch.
  • I wasn't the biggest fan of QB guy. He's no Dave Franco. But, who is, really?
  • And finally, even though I had a good time with 22, do these frickin' movies have to be so long? Comedies should be 95 minutes or less. Unless they're filled with glorious nudity, then by all means...let's Das Boot this sumbitch, right?
Summer sequels, especially comedic ones, always rip off the original. It's basically cinematic law. And all bullshit aside, I have absolutely no problem with it, as long as the first one was good (Hangover Part II, anyone?[review]).

For me, 22 Jump Street like eating the leftovers from a great dinner. Sure, it might not taste as delicious as the first time, but damn, it's still pretty f--king good, you know? 


  1. Your yays and boos kill me! Every time my wife tells me she wants to cut a bitch, I lose it. Greatest phrase ever.

    And Queen Latifah is an ass crack? What the hell!

    I loved the first one. I will see this as soon as it hits DVD.

    1. So...what I've learned here is that your wife is pretty badass, right? If my wife ever uttered those words I would f--king die laughing. Instantly.

      I further explained the analogy, as I was thinking about it when I was going to sleep last night. My point, if one truly exists, is that due to awful Latifah years ago, I simply can't enjoy things she's in anymore. At least not fully. It's petty, it's irrational...but that's pretty much this whole site in a nutshell, anyway.

  2. Great review! Tatum and Cube were definitely my favorite parts. I loved the sequel posters like you did too, and those little "fuck you birds!" moments that Tatum had.

    But yeah, wtf was the point of Queen Latifah?

    1. Hill used to be the unrivaled master of saying great shit under his breath, but Tatum might have stolen his title after this one.

      I don't even know what to say about Queen. Was she filming her talk show next door or something?

  3. I really loved the first one, and I'm thinking -- why not see the newer version instead of rewatching the first one? I'm on board with you here, absolutely. I'm not reading the yays and boos before I watch the film, but I'm sure they're great, too. After all, if you want something done well, you come to Two Dollar Cinema, right?

    1. I think you should definitely check this one out, whenever it comes to the magical section of whatever country you live in. And then, when it's done, you should probably double-feature it with some Pauly Shore action. I'm telling you, start with Encino Man. You have to.

      By 'done well' do you mean 'pissed on by an idiot'? Because, yes. This is the place.

  4. Shit, just wrote the comment and it didn't go through, blogger is annoying me more than this movie did, I found this whole meta, 'we're aware it's a sequel look how clever it is that we are telling you this every 2 mins' to be so irritating, it came off more like something the cast and crew want to jack off to for being successful than an actual movie.

    But I did love Tatum and Cube big reveal scenes and Offerman should be in every movie and I'm pretty sure he'd indeed steal every single one.

  5. Okay, as for the whole 'meta, look how clever we are' thing, I actually agree with you on that front, you know? But...while I think there's some of that in there for sure, I also think that there was no other way to play it. 21 Jump shouldn't have worked. Somehow, it did. But they never should have pressed their luck and made a sequel. I'm guessing, contractually, they probably had to. That annoying shit was maybe their solution to even justify it in the first place, maybe?

    Offerman. Love that f--ker.

  6. My biggest Yay is the part where Tatum puts together who Hill is banging and freaks out. I was crying watching that.

    1. We were dying during that part. DYING.

      But I was kind of scared, too. Almost like that person was in the room watching us laugh, if that makes spoiler-free sense.