Wednesday, July 27, 2011

We are going to win this war because we have the best men. And they, personally, will escort Adolf Hitler to the gates of Hell.

Tuesday night is 'Bargain Night' at the crappy theater near my house, meaning tickets are only $5. At that price, I will literally see anything. If you're actually reading these reviews and you notice that I went on a Tuesday, please forgive me if I simply love whatever it was that night. I'm actually using coupons to bring that number down to a whopping $2. Is it possible to hate something that cost only two bucks? Yes. Yes it is.
But, that is certainly not the case tonight. Nope. Captain America is yet another decent offering from Marvel. It's late (as usual), so let's get right to it.

That's more than a dress. That's an Audrey Hepburn movie.
  •  Any time that Cap hit someone with his shield! Or punches them in the face.
  • My goodness. This scene featured to the right? CGI? Heaven?
  • That creepy effect before Chris Evans gets jacked! NBA Jam big head mode in effect.
  • 1940's NYC was pretty cool.
  • Stanley Tucci. Approaching Duvall status. Almost.
  • Both leads have massive breasts!!

Nothing like having your face cut off to disturb your sleep.
  • Red Skull's last scene? C'mon, really?
  • Neal McDonough. I actually hate this guy's face - even with the awesome mustache featured here.
  • Not enough ass-kicking. Seriously. Hit more people in the face with your shield.
  • Howard Stark should have been cooler. 
  • Kissing scene with blonde secretary.
  • Red Skull's minions = bitches.
  • Is Tommy Lee Jones a person? Or a robot? A grumpy robot who doesn't have time for this shit.


    Seriously, come on writers. That joke was used way too often, and it probably didn't help that every time someone said that in the movie, I thought to myself, "Yeah, and Patrick Stewart is bald." Not a funny joke, said too many times. Period.

    I felt that the movie was not glorifying enough for both America and its Captain. I was hoping for the movie as a whole to feel like a WWII propaganda film of the era, with obviously the Captain as our glorified, handsome, All-American soldier. He's Captain AMERICA. Not Captain of Some Nation Somewhere Relevant During the WWII Era. THOUGH, at the end, when he walks into Modern New York City, I was in awe at how many advertisements there were per shot. I felt overwhelmed, and I do mean that in a good way. Because it was at that moment I was reminded that of my capitalist nation. I guess I just wanted more?
    Which, of course, as you said, applies to the action. I don't think that you can honestly hit too many enemies in the face with a shield. I really just don't think that there is a limit on that.

    In short: They either should have cut more story out and replaced it with Shield-throwing/Punching action, or just should have shortened the movie all around.

  2. I agree, Sis, all-around. I might not need as much AMERICA as you, but I'm with you.