Sunday, February 5, 2012

This is too much madness to explain in one text!

The Super Bowl is in less than two hours. If the Giants win, I will be devastated. I will get some fireworks, a samurai sword, a barely-understandable British teenager and get on my bicycle and I will exact my revenge. Now this wouldn't be the first time this plan was put into action. But, um, probably the second...

Attack the Block may have come out of nowhere when it was released last year, but seeing it at this point, there was plenty of hype. Aliens, badass kids with swords, and the mere mention of Shaun of the Dead was enough to redirect all movie-geek blood flow to the crotchal region. Yikes.
Is there a person alive that doesn't love a good tracking shot

The movie begins on a firework-filled night in some sketchy part of the U.K. My first question, what the Hell are they celebrating? My sister joked that it was the 5th of November. Yes, apparently watching V for Vendetta lets you know everything worth knowing about British culture. Phew, glad I saw that one. Anyway, moments later something mysterious lands, and from there, the movie simply doesn't let up.

My next question, came minutes later. What would I do if I was attacked by an alien? Hopefully, I would gain fantastic alien powers like in District 9, but most likely would opt for running away and dying in the parking lot of a gas station. One of those two. What likely, wouldn't have crossed my mind is revenge.

If I'm going to get bit anywhere, this spot is on the list.
Shockingly, jumping the shit out of this alien invader and parading his lifeless body around like it's an extension of your mammoth wang isn't a solid plan. In fact, that's going to really piss off/sexually arouse a whole race of glowing-toothed gorilla bears. And that ain't all peachy, is it guv'na?

Let's head to the Yays and Boos, C'mon frickin' Patriots style.
You might call him Nick Frost. I just go with Dad.
  • The violence, though relatively brief, is top-notch.
  • Aliens. They are so f--king cool. 
  • Brit slang: Swear down. Allow it.
  • You gotta dig Mayhem and Probs. Those two were badass little punks.
  • Love a good gearing up scene. I'm getting a sword. Hold up. I'm getting a bigger sword.
  • I love when henchman get sent into the worst situation by the crazy, drugged-out boss guy. So awesome.
  • How most problems could be avoided by just going home and playing FIFA.I think my last copy was for the Genesis. No wait, Sega CD.
Moses, brother! Can you hear that?
  • Dude throws a firework-bomb with Brady-like accuracy!
  • Speaking of heroics, the end is a little, um, f--king absurd. I know, nitpicking in an alien invasion movie about realism is super lame, but I'm still throwing a boo it's way.
  • Sometimes, I really had no idea what anybody was saying. Shat on a turtle!
Okay. Under an hour. Sorry, I phoned it in. Hopefully the Giants do, too.


  1. I think my big problem might've been that the hero starts off the film mugging a young female nurse who happens to be his neighbour. To be honest I was happy for the gorilla-aliens to munch chunks out of him at that point - and yeah, the end is a bit silly. Overall though, not a bad film.

    Oh, and as to not understanding some of the dialogue - now you know how we felt watching Winter's Bone and No Country For Old Men. That was more about mumbling though. E-nun-ci-ate bruvs!

  2. I completely agree about the mugging bit. Usually in this genre you have people to clearly root for. I guess the nurse was the one the audience was supposed to identify with, but she never really played up the victim angle.

    I think the only person I didn't want to see devoured was Nick Frost. Simply because he's a fine chap.

    Otherwise, screw the rest of 'em. We eventually feel bad for Moses, but I still would've been pleased if everybody bit it in a particularly gory fashion.

    The two films you've mentioned are intriguing selections. I've never seen Winter's Bone, but No Country (to my decidedly American ears) never struck me as hard to decipher, but I'll revisit and listen for it. Hardest ever for me? Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Yikes.

  3. True story. I believe this movie cane out during the London riots. Added flavor.

  4. ^^Ugh, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas was definitely a chore to finish. As for this movie, it's simply got a lot of British flair, and definitely a window into British culture. Fam, Bruv, etc. are all excellent catch phrases. As for the heroes, it was definitely difficult to root for Moses and the gang. I also agree that the end was far more absurd than I would've liked. It's o-kay movie at best. Clearly the best parts I thought was the sheer amount of British flair, but the aliens were kinda cool too I guess.

  5. In reference to our earlier conversation:

    "Around the 1730s, firework shows in England became huge public displays rather than just the private entertainment of royalty. People from all over Europe would come to witness the spectacular fireworks displays at amusement parks in Britain." (source:

    Imagine that! Fireworks were being used in England 40+ years before America won its Independence.

    Silly m.brown.

  6. Patrick - As much as I liked the kids and their dialogue, I think the monsters were incredibly well designed and badass.

    Hannah - Okay, just because you had them first doesn't mean that you get more use out of them in any spectacular fashion. Like boobs, when you think about it.

  7. Just watched this last night and, as I told my wife, there was bare hype about this movie and it just didn't live up to it for me. I probably won't forget, forget it but I'm sure I'll barely remember, remember it.

    Oh, and that m.brown is a stripey wanker. It's all love, right fam?