Do your worst!

In September of 1964, a little show about an exceedingly strange family debuted on network television. This family had all the hallmarks of a typical sitcom household: bumbling but good-natured dad, practical and attractive mom, a pair of oddball kids (one boy and one girl) and, of course, an mysterious relative complicating matters...hilariously. *insert laugh track*

It was pretty typical stuff, funny and light, except for the fact that this family was more than just a little bit different: they dressed in all black and look like something out of a horror movie. 

Of course, I'm talking about one of my all-time favorite shows The Munsters, which debuted six (six!) days after The Addams Family but somehow hasn't had the lasting impact Uncle Fester and Pugsley have. Whether it was the moderately charming 90's flicks with Christina Ricci and M.C. Hammer, or this latest animated update, Morticia and Gomez Addams, for whatever reason, won't (/can't?) go away. But, uh, maybe they should?

Unbelievably stellar voicecast aside (Isaac and Theron rule), there's little to enjoy in The Addams Family. And even though there will never be anything better than Fred Gwynne's Herman Munster, I gotta admit, I was rooting for this one. My daughter seemed particularly interested when the trailer dropped, and my wife and I were all kinds of onboard this nostalgia train, but who knew the ride would be so sleepy.

After a wedding goes awry abroad, the Addams flee to New Jersey, where they assume a peacefully weird life awaits them. Unfortunately, the quiet little town their house resides in, is being made over by some reality-show wacko, and there's no way the town can be a dream destination if Pugsley keeps blowing it to Hell. Apparently he's practicing for some ridiculous family ritual known as Mazurka, but trust me, no one cares about that. 

Or, you know, any of this.


Well, my kids cared, at least initially, but as each of those eighty-six minutes slogged by, their interest (and the amount of popcorn we had) waned, and all bets were off. My wife wants to go back and show them the old television show to make up for this misfire, but I think we'd be better served to start with the 90's movies instead. Or, if we really loved them, we'd show them The Munsters.

Speaking of that sexy Marilyn Munster -oh, we weren't? - here are the Yays and Boos. Considering I didn't really enjoy this one that much...the number of Yays might be alarmingly high. But remember, even if the movie isn't great...it's still a great time at the movies.

You might think this picture is distorted, but no...
...that's how it looks.

Yaaaaaaaaay!

• That preacher guy looked a lot like Heihachi, right? (I've always been a big fan of this look)
• Suck on that, New Jersey!
• They might run it into the ground a bit, but the constant joke about how much the house hates the family is fairly well done. (even if I'm not sure why an evil spirit would hate the Addams...)
• Ah, yes...dusting the house. *snickers*
• It might send the wrong message to the wee ones, but the constant attempted murdering of one another is still good for a laugh or two. Especially when they shoot Uncle Fester in the face (he's kind of the worst)
• I didn't really like Wednesday at all, but her talents for lurking and resurrecting dead frogs are above reproach. 
• I don't recall why, but there was a point where, uncharacteristically, blood rushes to the Morticia's face...and immediately bats appear and suck it directly out of her, returning her to her natural, pale color. 
• Debi Derry Berry. Not sure what her role in the production was, but I dig the name a lot.
• And finally, just as it was for a very young m.brown, Lurch is far and away, the best part of the Addams family (even if he isn't blood). Everything about the gentle giant has always rubbed me the right way. And here? He's the best. Not only does he have the voice of an angel, but his skills playing the organ are unparalleled (the same could have been said for a young m.brown, if you know what I mean, right?)

*punches theater screen as hard as possible*

Boooooo!

• Ugh, the Bully Girl is just the worst. I know, this is a kid's movie, so it has to be extra obvious...but she's soooo awful.
• As much as I always liked Lurch, I've always hated Pugsley. And even knowing my dude Finn Wolfhard was voicing him, goodness this character sucks to unimaginable depths. Maybe it's my imagination, but it feels like 99% of this movie is about him, and made me wish the Demogorgon would enter the theater and devour us all (or lay demon eggs in our skulls, or whatever it does).
• Anyone else mystified by the character design of Wednesday? Why go with that creepy daughter of Slenderman look, when you could just show an unanimated, 2-D picture of modern day Christina Ricci and the world would be a better place.
• I really, really was bored with the whole Mazurka thing, but I'm afraid it was a big part of the show. I don't know for sure, nor do I care...but if it was from the show...I guess I shouldn't totally hate it? 
• As great as Isaac is (and he's really, really awesome), seeing Gomez on the big screen made me miss Raul Julia a ton. I never saw much of his work, but he was an electric presence.
• And finally, and this is a low-key Boo (/giant red flag), but I really found Morticia to be, well, rather...sexy. It's bad enough that she's voiced with smoky deliciousness by Theron, but man...even the design is a bit hubba hubba. But perhaps even more Boo-worthy than lusting after a cartoon woman? A week and a half later it was Halloween (I think it got postponed here by a day), and my wife, my lovely (and curvy) wife put on a Spider-Man mask and I almost lost it. Then, on Halloween, she goes as Hermione? *blacks out* Is this what I've become? 

So, uh, anyway...I did a little more research concerning the lack of all-things Munsters, and it turns out there was a reboot...back in 2012?...and it crashed and burned. Not saying that I'm surprised, but what could have distracted me so much seven Halloweens ago?

Oh, right.