Monday, May 10, 2021

Today is his birthday and it is a tradition that on his birthday I get up extra early and make him his favorite kind of dessert.

You and me. 


We made it. Barely, but we effing did it.

F--king madness, is all I can think blame, as there is no good reason that this blog survived a decade, and even less of a reason that you find yourself reading it, whenever/wherever it is that you're doing so. 
But without you, I would have called it years ago, even if seems that I indeed, called it years ago. 

What started late one night after a colleague showed me a blog about her newborn son, grew into a place where I'd spend a quarter of my life talking to a combination of no one, anyone and everyone. Well, everyone is a bit of a stretch, as there's been a core group of brilliant bloggers that have shown Two Dollar Cinema an infinite amount of love and encouragement, and this annual tradition is dedicated to them. 

But before that, the numbers. Or, what's left of them. 

You would think a worldwide closure of most everything would only increase the number of movies one would/could watch, but for me, that was overwhelmingly not the case. In a year where movies like Top Gun: Maverick were pushed back, I unequivocally lost that lovin' feeling. Despite buying tickets to Tenet and The New Mutants at separate points last summer (or Fall, I really have no idea), I still haven't been to the movies since frickin' Bloodshot. Womp womp, right? In a new all-time low, I managed to see 34 new-to-me films in the last twelve months. I'm not all that good at math, but I did the division. That's one movie....every...900 days.

Speaking of bad numbers, here are my top (and bottom) six flicks in the last year of Two Dollar Cinema. As always, don't get too caught up in the order, because I sure as Hell didn't. Remember, the absolute worst movie I saw...still made the top THIRTY FOUR.

Top 6

  1. Palm Springs - I watched this gem back in July, and it has stayed with me ever since. As much fun as I had with it, it also meant a lot to me, too.
  2. In the Loop - I vowed to Margaret for actual years that I would watch this, and when I finally did? It didn't disappoint. I just wish, for five minutes, I could be this much of an absolute f--ker.
  3. Love and Monsters - I had a really good time with this one. A guy and a dog risking it all for the love of his life? Can't beat that. Mavis might be the MVP...of everything.
  4. I Care a Lot - I used to think it was the needle pit in Saw II, but nope - what we've got here is the worst way die.
  5. Bill & Ted Face the Music - Honestly, this movie wasn't that good, but I absolutely adore it. Chill, older dudes doing their best? Sign me up.
  6. Borat: Subsequent Moviefilm - I never got over the bit about the baby cupcake. That's still the best-worst thing I saw all year.
Honorable Mentions: Kong: Skull Island, The Invisible Man, Ma Rainey's Black Bottom, Batman Ninja

Bottom 6

  1. WW84 - This wasn't even close to the worst movie I saw in the past year, it was just the biggest disappointment. I love Gal Gadot more than anything, but this one was a mess. Imagine.
  2. Mulan - I didn't even have high hopes for this one, but what an oddly unfun slog this turned out to be.
  3. 365 Days - You can't be all that mad when a movie is this ridiculously awful (and has that much boat sex), but this f--ker reached phenomenon status, and that shit's unacceptable. And yes, I will watch whatever sequel they make and I will be furious(ly masturbating) the whole time.
  4. Scoob! - This was one of those theater-at-home movies that I actually paid full price for and I honestly hated just about every minute of it. I mean, who ruins Shaggy? That's blasphemous.
  5. The Lovebirds - For whatever reason, I was looking forward to this one when it suddenly appeared on Netflix. And then it sucked. Hard.
  6. You Were Never Really Here - I don't remember much other than a bearded Joker with a hammer, but this one came strongly recommended by a friend. Well, former friend.
(Dis)Honorable Mentions - Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween, Ghost in the Shell, Fantasy Island, the May to December portion of 2020, whenever the f--k Blogger became absolute shit

To you guys that frequent this site (still, or otherwise), I just want to say that I appreciate it more than you will ever know. Your clicks and your comments have sustained me whenever I considered closing this f--ker up. 

And when my kids finally sit down and read this ridiculous website, after all these years, I will drop what I'm doing, and come to your state, your country, your house, whatever, just so I can thank you in person.

And to literally talk to someone, anyone, as I assume my kids won't be speaking to me anymore. Well, us.


  1. A DECADE! That's downright amazing. Hats off to you, good sir. Your posts have always brightened my day so I for one am glad you're still writing <3
    And thank you for publicly hating on You Were Never Really Here, until today I thought I was the only one who thought it was a boring turd of a movie.

    1. HAhahaha...thanks, Allie. It's nuts to finally hit the ten-year mark. That's lovely that this silliness still charms you...I can't thank you enough for saying that!

      That movie was ridiculous. I think I fell asleep at least three or four times, and I'm still unsure what the Hell even happened. Maybe I got hit with a hammer? (did someone get hit with a hammer?)