You and me.
We made it. Barely, but we effing did it.
But before that, the numbers. Or, what's left of them.
You would think a worldwide closure of most everything would only increase the number of movies one would/could watch, but for me, that was overwhelmingly not the case. In a year where movies like Top Gun: Maverick were pushed back, I unequivocally lost that lovin' feeling. Despite buying tickets to Tenet and The New Mutants at separate points last summer (or Fall, I really have no idea), I still haven't been to the movies since frickin' Bloodshot. Womp womp, right? In a new all-time low, I managed to see 34 new-to-me films in the last twelve months. I'm not all that good at math, but I did the division. That's one movie....every...900 days.
Speaking of bad numbers, here are my top (and bottom) six flicks in the last year of Two Dollar Cinema. As always, don't get too caught up in the order, because I sure as Hell didn't. Remember, the absolute worst movie I saw...still made the top THIRTY FOUR.
- Palm Springs - I watched this gem back in July, and it has stayed with me ever since. As much fun as I had with it, it also meant a lot to me, too.
- In the Loop - I vowed to Margaret for actual years that I would watch this, and when I finally did? It didn't disappoint. I just wish, for five minutes, I could be this much of an absolute f--ker.
- Love and Monsters - I had a really good time with this one. A guy and a dog risking it all for the love of his life? Can't beat that. Mavis might be the MVP...of everything.
- I Care a Lot - I used to think it was the needle pit in Saw II, but nope - what we've got here is the worst way die.
- Bill & Ted Face the Music - Honestly, this movie wasn't that good, but I absolutely adore it. Chill, older dudes doing their best? Sign me up.
- Borat: Subsequent Moviefilm - I never got over the bit about the baby cupcake. That's still the best-worst thing I saw all year.
- WW84 - This wasn't even close to the worst movie I saw in the past year, it was just the biggest disappointment. I love Gal Gadot more than anything, but this one was a mess. Imagine.
- Mulan - I didn't even have high hopes for this one, but what an oddly unfun slog this turned out to be.
- 365 Days - You can't be all that mad when a movie is this ridiculously awful (and has that much boat sex), but this f--ker reached phenomenon status, and that shit's unacceptable. And yes, I will watch whatever sequel they make and I will be furious(ly masturbating) the whole time.
- Scoob! - This was one of those theater-at-home movies that I actually paid full price for and I honestly hated just about every minute of it. I mean, who ruins Shaggy? That's blasphemous.
- The Lovebirds - For whatever reason, I was looking forward to this one when it suddenly appeared on Netflix. And then it sucked. Hard.
- You Were Never Really Here - I don't remember much other than a bearded Joker with a hammer, but this one came strongly recommended by a friend. Well, former friend.
To you guys that frequent this site (still, or otherwise), I just want to say that I appreciate it more than you will ever know. Your clicks and your comments have sustained me whenever I considered closing this f--ker up.
And when my kids finally sit down and read this ridiculous website, after all these years, I will drop what I'm doing, and come to your state, your country, your house, whatever, just so I can thank you in person.
And to literally talk to someone, anyone, as I assume my kids won't be speaking to me anymore. Well, us.