Saturday, July 21, 2012

This must be the nicest family in the world, I think.

Last Thursday night, in movie-going terms, was a much more innocent time. It's rather fitting then, that my wife decided that we should watch a movie as a family. When it comes to watching a movie with a very young child, there are only two options: 1) Go with something the little one knows and loves or 2) Don't. Option 1, can be mind-numbing for the adults, but crowd control is easier. Option 2? Oh, that's a gamble. One that's almost a guaranteed disaster. If you wonder which option we usually choose, let me start reciting Cars verbatim for you. That said, apparently my wife was feeling saucey that night...

Before I begin, let me say that  Stuart Little has a very surprising pedigree. Director Rob Minkoff was one of two directors for The Lion King. Decent, right? Well, this is when sh-t gets real. This movie is co-written by M. Night Shyamalan of all people. Maybe this is common knowledge by now, but I did a spit-take when his name appeared on the screen. Goodness. I guess 1999 was his peak, because both Stuart Little and a little flick called The Sixth Sense were released. Nuts.

Okay, so enough with the trivia. Stuart Little is a decent um, little family flick. I had caught bits here and there before and knew that Stuart was an adorable bastard, but I had never seen the movie in full. Almost fifteen years later, it still entertains, though I'm sure if it were made today things would be different. Instead of picking Stuart up at an orphanage, they probably would have just ordered him online. That's how you get orphans  mice, right? I kid, I kid.

Actually, it seems like orphans have been at the heart of many of my recent watches, come to think of it. Hugo, Moonrise Kingdom and even The Dark Knight Rises have featured the unfortunate youngsters. And while all those characters end up fairly happy, Stuart probably ends up with the cushiest digs. Not only is his mom the gigantic archer/genius Geena Davis, but his dad is a very young Dr. Gregory House. Not bad.

What was that? I think I just saw something run under the fridge. Damn it. I'll come up with some Yays and Boos. You set the trap.

A schooner is a sailboat, stupid head.
  • Outside of the little kid, everybody simply accepts a talking mouse without question. Makes sense.
  • Jonathan Lipnicki was a super-cute kid. Not even annoyingly so, either.
  • The Littles have everything. I mean, they went to get a kid, came home with a mouse, and still somehow managed to have a tiny sink, mirror and toothbrush on hand. Well prepared, those Littles.
  • Heck, everyone is dressed so garsh-darn well.
  • Estelle Getty plays a character named Estelle. I imagined she just stumbled onto the shoot and someone whispered just keep it rolling.
  • And a line that will live forever. That's no mouse. That's my brother. Indeed.
  • I felt your pain, George. You get dropped off at school while your parents go pick up your new brother. You come home, you're excited. And it's a mouse. A mouse? Mom. Dad. WTF is this?
  • Snowbell, though ultimately redeemed, is an annoying talking cat voiced by Nathan Lane. Lame.
  • Stuart is almost drowned and killed in his first 12 hours in his new home. Someone call Child Services, asap.
  • Speaking of the little mouse, his hind legs are freakishly long. If he actually walked, mouse-style, it might actually look more ridiculous than his current state of strolling around in pants.
  • This is a family film, right? Well, young George beats the Hell out of a douchey kid at the mini-Yacht race. Thanks, that's a nice lesson for the boy. And, one of the bad cats (voiced by Chazz Palminteri) is always dropping Hells and damns like this is A Bronx Tale.
That concludes another family portion of Two Dollar Cinema. You know, the web's number one source for family film recommendations. 

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