|Awww...flowers? You shouldn't have. No really.|
What the f--k, man? I hate flowers.
The catch, and there's always a catch, is that you can't just shake hands, thank the other nominees and head backstage to do some blow off the back of an overpriced hooker. Uh, no. There are rules for accepting it. Like, you gotta know the password or something. And it isn't fidelio. I already tried it.
Actually, it's a lot less complicated than that.
As given, every award has a set of tiny rules for accepting it, here are the ones for Sunshine:
1. Post the award on your blog
2. Thank the person who nominated you
3. Answer the 11 questions they set you
4. Pick another 11 bloggers (and let them know they are nominated!)
5. Set them 11 questions
6. Don't feed them after midnight
I think I might have added that last one. Anyway, here are Sati's eleven quality questions and my eleven shitty answers. Enjoy!
1. Who would play you in a movie based on your life?
Chris Evans. Well, maybe if he'd work out a little more. Okay, fine. A lot more. No, seriously? How about James Franco? He's only a year older than I am and I'm sure has the range to play a decidely unspectacular person. We don't really look alike, but Ray Romano's too old at this point. Mr. Franco, your thoughts on the role? Do you feel pretty sure you could handle playing a movie blogger?
2. What is your favorite movie ending of all time?
Suicide Squad, easily. I mean, you get to leave the theater when the movie ends, right? Actually, and I know I've said this before, but Fight Club has the best ending ever. Not only the spectacular toppling of the credit card companies and the Nada Surf, but that last little (coughcoughgiant) thing spliced in there? Absolute perfection. HONORABLE MENTION: The Usual Suspects. Usually I'm mad about being lied to. Usually.
3. Who is your favorite cinematic Batman?
Michael Keaton. Mainly because, well, he's Michael f--king Keaton for f--k's sake, but as much as I dig him as the Dark Knight, I actually like his take on Bruce Wayne more than everyone else's combined. Bale loses out because of his Bat-Voice, Clooney's nipples were too sexy, and Big Ben? He gets disqualified for being both the newest and the oldest caped Crusader. Oh, Adam West f--king rules, but c'mon...this is serious business. Like, drop what you're doing and immediately stand up triumphantly level of serious business.
4. What is the funniest movie you've ever seen?
5. Your sexiest movie character ever choice?
I'll just leave this here.
(to be honest, I couldn't find a solid GIF of Michelle Pfeiffer as Selina Kyle, a favorite of a young m.brown...not that there's anything wrong with Mrs. Smith, for f--k's sake)
6. What do you like most about our movie blogosphere?
Now, I'm like the worst member, ever, but I totally feel like I have legit friends in it. Like, as Dave Attell once put it, Friends will help you move. But these people? They'd help you move...a body.
7. What is your favorite movie blog?
8. Will Sati survive Blade Runner 2?
9. What is your most anticipated movie at the moment?
If only I were joking...
10. What is the most underseen movie you love?
I'm going to carry on about this movie till the day I die, but Taika Waititi's Hunt for the Wilderpeople was not only my favorite movie of Summer 2016 (not that that's saying much), but it may very well be in my top 5 ever. Like, ever ever. It makes me so happy just thinking about it.
11. What movie character do you identify with?
This is a tough question. I'm just a dude trying my best to not hate my job, love my wife and kids, and inspire people to be less...awful. How about...(a drastically less handsome) Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire? I get that guy, you know?
So, with all that said, I think the band is trying to play me off. Uh, I'd post my questions and eleven bloggers I'd like to answer them...but Sati pretty much named (just about) everyone I know. So...well...I'll just take my award and head off-stage. Awkwardly.
In the wrong direction.