Tuesday, May 29, 2012

It's a gigantic pain in the ass...but it has its moments.

My son is really into just about everything right now. It seems like he has skipped beyond toddler stuff and become a full-on boy, running in circles, jumping off _____________ and even occasionally lightsabering our dog, Dodger. I bought him the lightsaber, so yeah, my bad on that one. Another mistake I made was securing a copy of Men in Black for him on blu ray, which came with a free pass to Men in Black III.

Now, I haven't shown him the original, but judging by the third one, these films are too violent and have waaay too much cursing (Tommy Lee Jones actually calls someone a piece of shit) for someone as young as my kid. I know, I feel like a real a-hole for coming at the Men in Black films for being too hardcore. In fact, I remember not liking the first flick (and hating the shit out of the second) for being too family friendly. But, dear friends, I was a seventeen year old d-bag in 1997. Now, I'm a thirty two year old father of one. Or rather, a different kind of d-bag. Times change.

What hasn't changed (at all) is Will Smith. This likeable bastard might be an alien as I don't think he's aged a day since 1997. Now, I'm not the biggest Smith fan, but I definitely don't hate the guy like some of you. In fact, I think his performance in I Am Legend was incredible. Now, my knock against Smith is he doesn't seem to mix it up enough. Way too many sequels (if imdb is even remotely trustworthy, we've got more Bad Boys, I, Robot and Hancock on the way) for the Prince of Freshness.

Speaking of too many sequels, I think we're all set with the Men in Black franchise. Men in Black III isn't terrible, but it certainly isn't necessary. The true highlight of the flick was not the aliens, gadgetry or even the legendary Bagger Vance. No, for me, it was the eldest Goonie, Mr. Josh Brolin. His performance as Young Agent K was fantastic. He almost single-handedly made this flick really good. Almost.

Well, I suppose we ought to jump off a tall building headfirst into the Yays and Boos, yeah-I'll-pretty-much-see-anything style.

  • Okay, The Great Gatsby preview was awesome. I hadn't seen it yet.
  • Hot chick in the beginning made me regret actually foregoing the 3D version. And she loves tongue.
  • Metal tray between the legs? Brilliant.
  • Josh Brolin. Josh Brolin. Josh Brolin.
  • The jump scene was very cool. Loved watching the entire evolution of NYC.
  • Nostalgia. Sure, I don't revere either of the first two, but the score and the titles remind me of my little brother. The original flick was one of those movies that he watched hundreds of times. I would come home late and he'd be passed out to VHS editions of either Men in Black or Jurassic Park.
  • Listen, I'm an idiot. I miss the most obvious shit ever in some flicks, but I actually managed to foresee the ending completely. Still, I was floored at how emotionally satisfying it was, even if it was a tad cheesy. Fine. Super cheesey, but still. I even got a bit choked up (damn father/son dynamic - always gets me). Oh, don't you roll your eyes at me, mister.
  • Staff Sergeant M. Brown. I like visors. I know, I'm that guy. What's worse is I own a Red Sox visor that's of the um, camouflage variety. Worse than that? Ticket Lady gave me a military discount (she didn't ask me, she just assumed). I sincerely apologize to all our servicemen and women. Had she had a better look at my physique (and hairline), I might've got the senior citizen rate. Goodness.
  • Jemaine Clement! I genuinely love you as a person. But I kind of hated Boris The Animal. My bad. It's just Boris.
  • Time Travel Device/ Electronics Must Go Guy: Why are you so worthless? You have too many lines to suck as bad as you do. Do we have to put up with this? I mean, can't we get a better actor? I know it's a small part, but I think we can do better than this. 
  • It wasn't even in this movie, but I want to give a decade late Boo to the Men In Black theme song. That junk gets stuck in my head for days on end. Here come the Men In Black... Gaaaaaahhhh!!!
If you're 9, have a son that's 9, or impressively, both - go see this. Otherwise, save your money and see Prometheus twice. Those aliens might elicit a justified curse word or two.


  1. Good review M. I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it either. It was a lot of fun and it was great to see Will Smith back in action after all of these years away from the screen.

    1. Dan - The first one came out when you were a kid, right? I think that can really make a difference in regard to your enjoyment of this flick. I have no particular fondness for the original outside of the nostalgia I mentioned, but I'll agree it was relatively cool to see the ol' duo back together.

      Honestly though, I enjoyed Brolin more than either or both of the Smith/Jones combo.

  2. Timmy Lee Jones and Will Smith were an excellent choice for the sequel. Their onscreen chemistry was electrifying and for me was the highlight of the film... Along with those kooky aliens!! This got me to thinking, What do you guys think is the greatest black and white duo in a movie? I'm gonna go with Ghost and Hitch being a close second. Great work on the blog! It's fantastic to find someone with such great taste in movies.

    1. This comment rules on so many levels!

      As for um, black and white duos, wow. Where to begin...

      First off, Ghost? I guess you're going Swayze/Goldberg? Solid.
      With Hitch's Smith/James being pretty good as well.

      For me? I'll go Snipes/Harrelson in White Men Can't Jump. Thoughts?

    2. Gotta love Wesley & Woody in Money Train too! Haha.

    3. Thanks for reminding me about that one. I actually saw that one in the theater too. Seriously, there's about twenty years where I didn't miss a thing. Especially a young J. Lo.

      Is that sad?

  3. Great review! I keep hearing great things about Brolin so I'll probably see this one just for him once the movie is out on DVD. "Otherwise, save your money and see Prometheus twice" Hell yeah! :)

    1. You know, you may have actually tempered my enthusiasm for Prometheus. I read your mention of the leaked info and my heart sank. But, it was also a bit of good news because I think my personal expectations were getting exceedingly ridiculous.

      As for MIB, DVD sounds about right. You can easily fast forward to the Brolin goodness.

  4. Great review! Not interested in seeing this though, looks like a tough sit...can't stand Will Smith and his arrogance.

    It worked in the 90s, now its just desperate.

    1. Ty - so harsh on poor, loveable Will Smith!

      Nah, I get you. You aren't missing anything by avoiding this one. It's a mixed bag, at best.

      Is there a Smith film you like? Original Bad Boys, perhaps?